Jokes, Jokes and More Jokes - We want to collect a Bazillion Jokes in one place |
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Stats/Math Jokes
| All numbers are equal |
Theorem:
All numbers are equal.
Proof:
Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b.
Then a + b = t(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)a^2 - b^2 = ta - tba^2 - ta = b^2 - tba^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2a - t/2 = b - t/2a = b
So all numbers are the same, and maths is pointless.
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Category: Stats/Math Jokes |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| Answering machine |
Hello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician.
I'm probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations.
Supposing that the universe doesn't end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which I'm still trying to calculate, you can leave your name, phone number, and message, and I'll probably phone you back.
So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day.
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Category: Stats/Math Jokes |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| Crocodile is longer |
Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
Lemma 1.
The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile.
It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green.
Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide.
From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2 we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
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Category: Stats/Math Jokes |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| Debate about the box |
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material.
The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way."
He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way."
To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:"I define myself to be on the outside."
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Category: Stats/Math Jokes |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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