Situations
| 37 mating positions |
| What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one. Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess. |
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Category: Situations |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| A bad day |
| There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.He stays like that for half-an-hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes thedrink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I wasjust joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to seea man crying.""No, it's not that. Today is the worst day of my life. First, Ioverslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss, outrageous,fired me.When I left the building to go my car, I found out it was stolen. Thepolice, said they could do nothing. I got a cab to go home, and after I paidthe cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my wallet in the cab.I got home only to find my wife with the gardener. I left homeand came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end tomy life, you show up and drink my poison ..." |
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Category: Situations |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| A bartender was getting ready to close for the night... |
| A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when arobber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells tothe bartender,"This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!" The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!" "Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!" The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited,he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it backto the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friendsmight walk in!" |
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Category: Situations |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down... |
| A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to theblind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind, and can't read themenu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previouscustomer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirtydish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns tothe blind man's table and hands it to him. The blindman puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deepbreath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf andmashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walkstowards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner'swife and he tells her what had just happened. The blindman eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the ownermistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me?I'm the blind man.""I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you adirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it tothe blind man. After another deep breath, the blind mansays, "That smells great, I'll take the Macarroni andchesse with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief,the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with himand tells his wife that the next time the blind man comesin he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see'shim coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Maryrub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blindman walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already havethe fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff andsays, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?" |
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Category: Situations |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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