Miscellaneous
| $10 000 For a Kiss |
| One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look.Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. "Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is.""Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied."Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts."The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside. "OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's tits."At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed."Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls."I can't" replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away."Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now."I don't have ten thousand dollars!" |
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Category: Miscellaneous |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| 'Twas The Night Before Xmas- Redneck |
| 'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailerNot a creature was stirrin' 'Cept a redneck named Taylor.His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,And a-runnin' down his chin Was a trickle of spittle.His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.That Bubba got scared And rousted the boys.There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;Dud goin' on 10; Otis was 7.John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:The twins were both girls So they let them be.They jumped in their overalls, No need for a shirt,Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk.They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall.There were 17 shotguns; They grabbed them all.Bubba said to the young'uns, "Now hesh up ya'll!The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer Maw."Maw was expecting And needed her sleep,So out they crept out the door without making a peep.They all looked around, and then they all spit.The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"Bubba just stared; He could not say a word.This was just like all of the stories he'd heard.It was Santy Claus on the roof, Darn tootin'But the boys didn't know; They was about to start shootin'!They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistakeThat would have resulted in venison steak.Bubba hollered out, "Don't shoot, boys!"That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.The dogs were a-barkin' And a-raisin' cain,And Bubba whistled, and shouted, And called them by name."Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!""Git down from that porch! Git down off that wall!Quit shakin the trailer, Or you'll make Santy fall!"The dogs kept a-barkin' And wouldn't shut up,And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.Bubba got most, But left a few for the boys.Since the guns had been dropped He just might not die.He jumped in his sleigh, Told his reindeer to hurry.The trailer started to wobble Santa started to worry.Just as the reindeer Got into the air,The trailer collapsed, But Bubba didn't care.He was busy lookin' At all his new toys.Then a thought hit him, And he said to the boys:"Go check on yer Maw, Make sure she's all right.That roof fallin' on her Could-a hurt just a might."But Maw was OK, And the girls were too.They fixed up the trailer; It looked good as new.And as for Bubba, He liked Old St. Nick,But Santa thought Bubba Was a pure-in-tee hick!Bubba had a nice Christmas, And the boys did, too.And the Taylors wish A Merry Christmas to you! |
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Category: Miscellaneous |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| (Blank)-gasms! |
| Sex in a boat - oar-gasms. Sex with a nerd - dork-gasms. Sex at the entrance to your house - door-gasms. Sex on carpet or linoleum - floor-gasms. Sex at the supermarket - store-gasms. Sex at a Steven King Movie - horror-gasms. Sex with a prostitute - whore-gasms. Sex with an accountant - bore-gasms. Sex while sleeping - snore-gasms. Sex with 'Arthur' - Dudley Moore-gasms. Sex with cartoon donkeys - Eyeore-gasms. Sex while broke - poor-gasms. Sex with a lion - roar-gasms. Sex for hours and hours on end - sore-gasms. Sex on a golf course - fore-gasms. Sex with a nymphomaniac (or Ritzi) - more-gasms. Sex in a gold mine - ore-gasms. Sex with a dermatologist - pore-gasms. Sex with a politician - Al Gore-gasms. Sex with Chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers - s'more-gasms. Sex with a bullfighter - toreador-gasms. Sex with a masked man carrying a sword - zorro-gasms. Sex on the beach - shore-gasms. Sex at an all-you-can-eat buffet - smorgasbord-gasms. Sex on a cruise ship deck - shuffleboard-gasms. Sex in asia - Singapore-gasms. Sex among the wonders of nature - outdoor-gasms. Sex in the vicinity of a garbage can - odor-gasms. Sex on the way to the train - 'All Aboard'-gasms. Sex that wasn't very satisfying - 'There's the door'-gasms. Sex in an adult theater - hard-core-gasms. Sex with someone who's not paying attention - ignore-gasms. Sex with a competitive partner - score-gasms. Sex while flying - soar-gasms. Sex with a beloved partner - adore-gasms. Sex with a meat-eater - carnivore-gasms. Sex with a person who's got a really bad hairdo - pompadore-gasms. Sex with someone who's got bad taste in clothes - velour-gasms. Sex while travelling - tour-gasms. Sex with a big dog - labrador-gasms. Sex with Beavis and Butthead - 'GonnaScore'-gasms. Sex on stairs at the mall - escalator-gasms. Sex with three of your friends - four-gasms. Sex with a norse God - Thor-gasms. Sex when resistance is futile - Borg-gasms. |
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Category: Miscellaneous |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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| 1 wish ? |
| Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface.After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in).They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, "OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I've been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys only get 1 wish and then I'm outta here. Make it a good one."The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, "Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!" "Fine," said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean to beer."Great move, Einstein", said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the side of the head. "Now we're gonna have to piss in the boat." |
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Category: Miscellaneous |
| Released: 2007-07-02 |
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